My online dating tips for men

[peacetraveler22]

There are many reasons why online dating doesn't work for me. For several years, I tried to play this game, with the only result being frayed nerves, aggravation and wasted time, with few positive results in return. Others apparently have more luck, or enjoy visiting this virtual zoo in search of one well-behaved, cute animal. My desire for male companionship or a relationship hasn't been strong enough the past few years to endure the negatives that come with this style of meeting men. Yet I remain on a few dating websites, and still receive all kinds of messages from men, most of which I ignore.

I don't ignore them because I'm some heartless bitch, but because the messages are so generic and impersonal that it's clear the man has taken absolutely no time to read my profile, or learn anything about my personality and the traits I desire in a romantic partner. Why do I want to waste time communicating with, or going on a date with a man like this - someone who merely flips through thousands of pictures of women online and sends the exact same email?

Perhaps I'm too demanding, but I want a man to first admire me for my personality and intellect, and it's for this precise reason that I have very plain photos of myself on online dating sites. Almost no make-up, hair up in a pony tail, or covered under a hat. I present myself as a "plain Jane" in the purest sense. Meanwhile, other women have professional glamour shots, exposed cleavage, all the classic bait to lure and hook men. I can't even imagine the amount of emails they receive as a result. But yesterday, a sort of miracle happened, and I received a unique and thoughtful message. I will reproduce it here, to provide general advice and guidance for men who are communicating with women online with the hope of getting a date, and eventually getting laid.

Here is the message:

The last couple of years I have taken my annual vacation in Jackson Hole and Missoula, and I am originally from CT with a "college in Vermont" kicker.
I very much relate to and embrace the notion of letting go of material accumulation and corporate title chasing. In fact, I am currently considering what my next chapter might be, and some things on the table include buying an RV and becoming a travel writer, buying a small home in WY or outside Seattle and enjoying life in a 3D slice of nature, or even taking a sabbatical for a couple of months and traveling week by week to a list of my bucket list countries. Imagine what a first date it would be to get on a plane and explore a forest together somewhere in a Midwest mountain range! Have you seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Zoe Deschanel's character suggests a first date of taking off to Madagascar. I'm not suggesting that we take off on a first date like that. This is reality, and I recognize that it's prudent to wait for something like that until at least the third date. ;) In any case, I'd love to see more of your smile and to learn more about you. Until then, I will await your response by a windmill.

Warmly,
xxx

Why is this message good? First, because it's clear he read every word of my profile, which is long. Shocking, huh? :) Second, the man isn't an egoist, basically admitting he's at a sort of transitional point in life. Third, he mentions life in an RV - well, this is my dream really, and I don't even discuss it in my dating profile. Finally, the message is whimsical, especially the last line "I will await your response by a windwill." Yes, I like such lines, and they work one me. :))

That's it. To initially attract and keep the attention of a woman isn't so complicated, at least for someone like me. You simply must listen, take the time to understand something about me other than my breast size or other superficial attributes, and be patient because you will not get laid immediately. The last part is the kicker, because most men now are too impatient to wait for it, when they can simply flip through thousands of other glossy photos online and find at least one woman who will immediately spread her legs. Such is the way of the world now...the expectation of instant gratification, while offering almost nothing in return. And I need a man for something more than sex - almost any woman can get this instantly, if she so desires. In the end, words mean absolutely nothing if they are not followed by actions to support them.

Have you had luck with online dating? For me, there was only one good prospect, which I wrote about here. Otherwise, I prefer to move at a snail's pace, and meet men in a more organic and natural environment, where things develop over time, first starting with close friendship...this is the strongest foundation for a lasting relationship, in my humble opinion. :)

Good luck to all the single folks! :))

Comments

[oskanov.livejournal.com]

It is the thing that I will never understand. To set a woman's interest to you on fire is easy as "one, two, three". If you are looking at least a half handsome as the beast from famous Disney's movie, the only thing you need to do is to ask woman questions and listen to what she talks. After an hour or so you know what she loves to talk about and what she dislikes. So if you're interested - just support the conversation with right topics and smile :D

* better if it would not be a smile of idiot... ;)

[leo y (from livejournal.com)]

The message is good, except for "Midwest mountain range":) I haven't seen any of those:)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's right. :)) But I still give him a letter grade of "A" for effort. :))

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I'm only speaking for me personally. I suppose it takes more for some other women - like a big income, fancy car or luxurious gifts to keep and attract attention. But these things I can get on my own. Mostly I need a man to keep me intellectually stimulated, have some type of passion in his life, and be adventurous and open-minded. I don't wish to be anyone's "sugar mamma" or to support a man financially, unless he's off doing some noble humanitarian work or other worthy pursuit. This doesn't include sitting on the couch all day. :)

[leo y (from livejournal.com)]

Definitely deserves a A!

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Even a simple message like this, which I received this week is better than a long, generic greeting - "Would you like to go on a date with me? May I tell you more about me?" The guy doesn't waste time writing all kinds of nonsense, and places the ball in the woman's court, which is okay. :) Effort must come from both sides, not only one.

[zavkafedroi.livejournal.com]

Hey! I don't think that sex should be perceived as a gift or other type of gratification.

IMHO, people successful in online dating, are super nice looking, so that they can gather as much interest possible, therefore they can have most contacts.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I think even average looking girls get a lot of messages from men. Me - just average, although I can look glamorous the same as all women with make-up and provocative clothing. Sex? Well, this is not a manipulation tool in my opinion. :) And for me, it's not enough to be merely physically attractive. I need some type of cerebral connection, but I don't need to explain this to you. You know me well enough already, with all my quirks and strange beliefs. :))) Btw, are you experiencing flooding as a result of all the rain in France?

[oskanov.livejournal.com]

I understand. It is normal point of view. Intellectual mind needs another intellectual mind for proper communication. "The man of my dream" you've described above is just normal man, well-tempered and with rational type of mind.

[moskitow.livejournal.com]

Nice first letter.
I'm very cynical about online dating and somewhat practical too. You have to know the rules of this game in order to find something good there. I've done my time and found a very good person. And I've done it several times and for free! I don't believe in paying money for dating.
I think it's not true about availability of women on the dating sites. Have you ever tried to register as a male and look on the other side? I've done it - it was my marketing research :)) The majority of women's profiles look like a grocery shopping list. They are worn out from non ideal candidates so they are trying to weather out what they don't want right from the start.....It doesn't work!
Do you like fishing? Dating sites are very similar....First you need to put an appropriate bait for the fish you want to catch. Then you have to catch lots of fish! Then chose the best out of this pool. This is a short algorithm but it works! The key to success is to think from the position of a man and be proactive(they face the same problems - women want to use them and won't have sex ever!). There is no point of waiting for friendship and romance without setting up the right circumstances for them to happen. This is a dilemma that is true for any relationship start: you have to be open and generate positive energy to attract the right person, but then you are attractive for everybody else, including all the idiots of this world. Not to lose your cool and stay inside your borders is a trick!
Good luck with this! I'm sure you will meet the right person, if not on the dating site but somewhere else....

[maks j-fry (from livejournal.com)]

o man. you are so naive. personality and intellect are nothing for men. the only things they want is beauty and kindness.

Once I met a girl on the internet, she had so nice legs and her smile was gorgeous I immediately had a crush on her. I wrote her soon - listen woman, you legs are so beautiful that the only thing I want is kissing them from the bottom to up until I get to the end (you know where this end is). yes. she said in response. it was an exciting love affair.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

It's not always the case though. Almost all my friends are men, most of them very intelligent yet they still have horrible taste in women, at least short term. They pick only based on looks, nothing else, and are never in stable relationships, constantly involved in some drama... Yet I think when they're finally ready to settle down, they will be more selective. At least this is what I tell myself, so I don't lose all hope in the male species. :)))

[oskanov.livejournal.com]

Heh, I can sooth your wounds! I am the man who has stable relationships with one woman since 1999. So we exist on the Earth :D

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Good for you! :) It is not true what you wrote, by the way, and I'm not naive. Men are usually more superficial than women, but many require more than simply beauty to sustain a relationship long-term. You would really be with a beautiful, yet stupid and boring woman for the rest of your life? I'm not looking for simply a love affair, but a life long companion. If a man sent me a message like you wrote, I would immediately disregard it. Just depends on the woman, and what she is seeking at that moment in her life...and, well, most women lead with sexuality. And I don't do this. The result? My relationships have all been solid, and long-term, starting first as friendships and them moving on to something romantic. We understood each other first as humans, not mere flesh for pounding. Btw, how old are you?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Many people have success, as you did! Including a lot of my friends, but they dedicate so much time to it, and I have other interests and hobbies such that dating isn't a main focus in my life. I'm sure the right person will come along eventually, or not. :) Either way is fine. And I've never believed in "lists", because they are useless. Each person must be judged on their own character, attributes, etc. The main thing is to have a common goal in life, something to work toward together (family, some dream, shared hobby like travel), yet still have breathing room to not feel suffocated. I'm not the type of woman to use a man for anything, really. And this often confuses them. :))

[perycalypsis.livejournal.com]

To understand what sort of men he is it would be better to see his mom

[pin-gwin.livejournal.com]

a moment of truth :)))

[zavkafedroi.livejournal.com]

I mentioned all-time favourites like tanned skinny girls in bikinis or ripped guys. Those should attract lots of attention, so that if they don't like somebody today, they could meet other good possible person tomorrow. No flooding in my area for the moment...

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

It is not enough to simply see his mom, you must see them interact with each other. :)

[zavkafedroi.livejournal.com]

>kissing them from the bottom to up until I get to the end

That would be funny if she wasn't...well...her :)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Ripped guys? I don't like this type of man. :)) To each their own....but, of course, beautiful people receive many perks in life! We can't deny it.

[maks j-fry (from livejournal.com)]

What do you mean - it's not true? I swear it is the true. Of course my speech wasn't so primitive as I explained it here in English, actually I can speak beautifully.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

This guy is a real romeo! :)))

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

You cannot speak for all men, and what they want. Just as I can't speak for all women. And how old are you? In your 20's?

[pin-gwin.livejournal.com]

Did you see Shnur's "Labuteny" video???? There is a version with subtitles, it starts as Skype talk... I'm just kidding, but take look.
I hope this time the date will work, at least you a good try to appreciate you as a person, though these Midwest Mountains look suspicious. We have Buck HIll (where Lindsey Wonn is from) and Afton Alps, but still Midwest is a corn-plain-overfly states.