My online dating tips for men

[peacetraveler22]

There are many reasons why online dating doesn't work for me. For several years, I tried to play this game, with the only result being frayed nerves, aggravation and wasted time, with few positive results in return. Others apparently have more luck, or enjoy visiting this virtual zoo in search of one well-behaved, cute animal. My desire for male companionship or a relationship hasn't been strong enough the past few years to endure the negatives that come with this style of meeting men. Yet I remain on a few dating websites, and still receive all kinds of messages from men, most of which I ignore.

I don't ignore them because I'm some heartless bitch, but because the messages are so generic and impersonal that it's clear the man has taken absolutely no time to read my profile, or learn anything about my personality and the traits I desire in a romantic partner. Why do I want to waste time communicating with, or going on a date with a man like this - someone who merely flips through thousands of pictures of women online and sends the exact same email?

Perhaps I'm too demanding, but I want a man to first admire me for my personality and intellect, and it's for this precise reason that I have very plain photos of myself on online dating sites. Almost no make-up, hair up in a pony tail, or covered under a hat. I present myself as a "plain Jane" in the purest sense. Meanwhile, other women have professional glamour shots, exposed cleavage, all the classic bait to lure and hook men. I can't even imagine the amount of emails they receive as a result. But yesterday, a sort of miracle happened, and I received a unique and thoughtful message. I will reproduce it here, to provide general advice and guidance for men who are communicating with women online with the hope of getting a date, and eventually getting laid.

Here is the message:

The last couple of years I have taken my annual vacation in Jackson Hole and Missoula, and I am originally from CT with a "college in Vermont" kicker.
I very much relate to and embrace the notion of letting go of material accumulation and corporate title chasing. In fact, I am currently considering what my next chapter might be, and some things on the table include buying an RV and becoming a travel writer, buying a small home in WY or outside Seattle and enjoying life in a 3D slice of nature, or even taking a sabbatical for a couple of months and traveling week by week to a list of my bucket list countries. Imagine what a first date it would be to get on a plane and explore a forest together somewhere in a Midwest mountain range! Have you seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Zoe Deschanel's character suggests a first date of taking off to Madagascar. I'm not suggesting that we take off on a first date like that. This is reality, and I recognize that it's prudent to wait for something like that until at least the third date. ;) In any case, I'd love to see more of your smile and to learn more about you. Until then, I will await your response by a windmill.

Warmly,
xxx

Why is this message good? First, because it's clear he read every word of my profile, which is long. Shocking, huh? :) Second, the man isn't an egoist, basically admitting he's at a sort of transitional point in life. Third, he mentions life in an RV - well, this is my dream really, and I don't even discuss it in my dating profile. Finally, the message is whimsical, especially the last line "I will await your response by a windwill." Yes, I like such lines, and they work one me. :))

That's it. To initially attract and keep the attention of a woman isn't so complicated, at least for someone like me. You simply must listen, take the time to understand something about me other than my breast size or other superficial attributes, and be patient because you will not get laid immediately. The last part is the kicker, because most men now are too impatient to wait for it, when they can simply flip through thousands of other glossy photos online and find at least one woman who will immediately spread her legs. Such is the way of the world now...the expectation of instant gratification, while offering almost nothing in return. And I need a man for something more than sex - almost any woman can get this instantly, if she so desires. In the end, words mean absolutely nothing if they are not followed by actions to support them.

Have you had luck with online dating? For me, there was only one good prospect, which I wrote about here. Otherwise, I prefer to move at a snail's pace, and meet men in a more organic and natural environment, where things develop over time, first starting with close friendship...this is the strongest foundation for a lasting relationship, in my humble opinion. :)

Good luck to all the single folks! :))

Comments

[oskanov.livejournal.com]

It is the thing that I will never understand. To set a woman's interest to you on fire is easy as "one, two, three". If you are looking at least a half handsome as the beast from famous Disney's movie, the only thing you need to do is to ask woman questions and listen to what she talks. After an hour or so you know what she loves to talk about and what she dislikes. So if you're interested - just support the conversation with right topics and smile :D

* better if it would not be a smile of idiot... ;)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I'm only speaking for me personally. I suppose it takes more for some other women - like a big income, fancy car or luxurious gifts to keep and attract attention. But these things I can get on my own. Mostly I need a man to keep me intellectually stimulated, have some type of passion in his life, and be adventurous and open-minded. I don't wish to be anyone's "sugar mamma" or to support a man financially, unless he's off doing some noble humanitarian work or other worthy pursuit. This doesn't include sitting on the couch all day. :)

[leo y (from livejournal.com)]

The message is good, except for "Midwest mountain range":) I haven't seen any of those:)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's right. :)) But I still give him a letter grade of "A" for effort. :))

[zavkafedroi.livejournal.com]

Hey! I don't think that sex should be perceived as a gift or other type of gratification.

IMHO, people successful in online dating, are super nice looking, so that they can gather as much interest possible, therefore they can have most contacts.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I think even average looking girls get a lot of messages from men. Me - just average, although I can look glamorous the same as all women with make-up and provocative clothing. Sex? Well, this is not a manipulation tool in my opinion. :) And for me, it's not enough to be merely physically attractive. I need some type of cerebral connection, but I don't need to explain this to you. You know me well enough already, with all my quirks and strange beliefs. :))) Btw, are you experiencing flooding as a result of all the rain in France?

[moskitow.livejournal.com]

Nice first letter.
I'm very cynical about online dating and somewhat practical too. You have to know the rules of this game in order to find something good there. I've done my time and found a very good person. And I've done it several times and for free! I don't believe in paying money for dating.
I think it's not true about availability of women on the dating sites. Have you ever tried to register as a male and look on the other side? I've done it - it was my marketing research :)) The majority of women's profiles look like a grocery shopping list. They are worn out from non ideal candidates so they are trying to weather out what they don't want right from the start.....It doesn't work!
Do you like fishing? Dating sites are very similar....First you need to put an appropriate bait for the fish you want to catch. Then you have to catch lots of fish! Then chose the best out of this pool. This is a short algorithm but it works! The key to success is to think from the position of a man and be proactive(they face the same problems - women want to use them and won't have sex ever!). There is no point of waiting for friendship and romance without setting up the right circumstances for them to happen. This is a dilemma that is true for any relationship start: you have to be open and generate positive energy to attract the right person, but then you are attractive for everybody else, including all the idiots of this world. Not to lose your cool and stay inside your borders is a trick!
Good luck with this! I'm sure you will meet the right person, if not on the dating site but somewhere else....

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Many people have success, as you did! Including a lot of my friends, but they dedicate so much time to it, and I have other interests and hobbies such that dating isn't a main focus in my life. I'm sure the right person will come along eventually, or not. :) Either way is fine. And I've never believed in "lists", because they are useless. Each person must be judged on their own character, attributes, etc. The main thing is to have a common goal in life, something to work toward together (family, some dream, shared hobby like travel), yet still have breathing room to not feel suffocated. I'm not the type of woman to use a man for anything, really. And this often confuses them. :))

[maks j-fry (from livejournal.com)]

o man. you are so naive. personality and intellect are nothing for men. the only things they want is beauty and kindness.

Once I met a girl on the internet, she had so nice legs and her smile was gorgeous I immediately had a crush on her. I wrote her soon - listen woman, you legs are so beautiful that the only thing I want is kissing them from the bottom to up until I get to the end (you know where this end is). yes. she said in response. it was an exciting love affair.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Good for you! :) It is not true what you wrote, by the way, and I'm not naive. Men are usually more superficial than women, but many require more than simply beauty to sustain a relationship long-term. You would really be with a beautiful, yet stupid and boring woman for the rest of your life? I'm not looking for simply a love affair, but a life long companion. If a man sent me a message like you wrote, I would immediately disregard it. Just depends on the woman, and what she is seeking at that moment in her life...and, well, most women lead with sexuality. And I don't do this. The result? My relationships have all been solid, and long-term, starting first as friendships and them moving on to something romantic. We understood each other first as humans, not mere flesh for pounding. Btw, how old are you?

[perycalypsis.livejournal.com]

To understand what sort of men he is it would be better to see his mom

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

It is not enough to simply see his mom, you must see them interact with each other. :)

[pin-gwin.livejournal.com]

Did you see Shnur's "Labuteny" video???? There is a version with subtitles, it starts as Skype talk... I'm just kidding, but take look.
I hope this time the date will work, at least you a good try to appreciate you as a person, though these Midwest Mountains look suspicious. We have Buck HIll (where Lindsey Wonn is from) and Afton Alps, but still Midwest is a corn-plain-overfly states.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I didn't see the video. I'm not going on a date with him, but at least was courteous enough to respond to his message and let him know the originality is refreshing and appreciated, to provide encouragement for him to march on in his quest for love. :))

[barabaan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I married her 10 yrs ago. We seem to be happy ☺

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Great! Congratulations! :)

[fesma94.livejournal.com]

but I want a man to first admire me for my personality and intellect (c) What about boobs ? First we (mans) looks on boobs, and after we admire an intellect ,because boobs without brain so boring !

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Well, another reader argues that boobs are MOST important! It is all that matters. Who cares about intellect or personality? :))) Of course, all things matter. A person is many parts, not singular. And not all men like boobs - some prefer legs, others butt, some eyes, mouth....taste and color for all! I notice men's mouth and eyes first....

[xuswan.livejournal.com]

Can I ask you what does "RV" mean?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

RV - like a mobile camper. It's short for "recreational vehicle." Like in this report, where I showed my family's RV. :) http://peacetraveler22.livejournal.com/24617.html

[voleala.livejournal.com]

These sites never worked for me. I tried and it was such a stress and also a complete waste of time.
I had many romantic relationships and met all those men in real life, not on the internet.
What about speed dating? Have you ever tried it. I have not, but it sounds like it is not a bad idea and definitely more promising. 5 minutes of a live conversation will tell much more than 20 pictures and several messages. If I were single, I would give it try it.

[voleala.livejournal.com]

As for the message you received, well, I think it is very good. And maybe (just a posibility) too good to be true. Hahaha. I am paranoid. I know. :) I never lower my guard.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I too am a cynic when it comes to men's intentions in romantic relationships. :)) But now I try to be open and more vulnerable. It's the only way if you want to find a partner. I've never tried speed dating. I met all my exes through friends, or random encounters at record stores or concerts. One through work, but this is not the best idea to date co-workers in my view. And the chances of me meeting someone that I'm mentally attracted to in my law firm environment is almost zero. I'm not attracted to the business man, alpha dog type. I like sensitive, creative creatures. :))

[rise-man.livejournal.com]

I have read with a smile. Good post. Thank you.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. Sometimes I just find it necessary to motivate others to treat people (both men or women) as human beings, and not merely pieces of meat for pleasure, manipulation or personal gratification. It's a very basic principle of life, but many have forgotten how. :((

[e-g-o-r-i-u-s.livejournal.com]

Have you already met, Shannon?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

No, he just wrote me yesterday. :) I had not planned on meeting him actually. Not in the mood to go on a date anytime soon....

[Айрат Ахмадуллин (from livejournal.com)]

Hi, Shannon!
It looks like your new friend is an educated man, because he sounds like a character of Jane Austen.
I can hardly understand his English))
I thought that you were a determined "I don't need anyone" person, so it's interesting to see
that all of us somehow interested in the opposite sex.
Moreover, as a happy single , I'm going to follow your romance with the great curiosity.
Not that it's my business, but who knows, may be one beautiful day I'll change my mind too))

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Hi! Well, I'm always interested in the opposite sex. :)) Not sure why you thought otherwise. My position is just that dating isn't really a priority in my life for the past few years,and I'm not willing to waste my time with fools, or men who are only interested in getting laid and then moving along to the next conquest. I've grown quite cozy and comfortable being on my own, enjoying solitude and peace. If a good man comes along, I will gladly pay him attention. I just don't go searching for them. :) To be alone, to not be alone.....I'm fine either way really. :))

[a-bishop.livejournal.com]

Hi Shannon,

What does RV stand for?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Hi! "RV" - it's an abbreviation for recreational vehicle. Like here - http://peacetraveler22.livejournal.com/24617.html. A sort of camper you can drive. :))

[elarbee.livejournal.com]

I met my husband online, but not on a dating site. Remember Friendster?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Of course, I remember Friendster and MySpace. :)) But they are different, because they weren't purely dating sites. Sort of like Facebook now, although I'm sure many people use this tool to hook up and connect with potential partners also.

[qi-tronic.livejournal.com]

You Know You are Dating a RUSSIAN Woman When...

www. youtube. com/watch?v=B1gOBh7NTsw

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Very funny! :)) But, come on, American men aren't so bad. :))

[kremlin-curant.livejournal.com]

I spent almost 1 year online trying to find a match to no avail.
Then my mother found out there is some single woman in the circle of our common friends. This single woman now is married. Married me.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

This is another great way to meet a partner - blind dates, or being set up by mutual friends. Glad you found a wife to keep you company in life. :))

[c0smopolit.livejournal.com]

> I have very plain photos of myself on online dating sites. Almost no make-up, hair up in a pony tail, or covered under a hat. I present myself as a "plain Jane" in the purest sense

As a man in my 30th I would skip such a profile immediately. Yes, sex is very important part of my life (at least at my age).
How am I supposed to live with some woman not being sexually attracted to her? Am I disabled or what?
And it doesn't mean I could live with gorgeous BUT foolish woman.
There is one good proverb in Russian culture: "Встречают по одёжке, провожают по уму".
And first impression is very important. And if a girl looks unattractive I'm afraid there's no way for me to know how possibly smart she is.
Maybe I'll change my opinion when I become an old man.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Of course, physical attraction and chemistry are always important and what initially draws us to a person of the opposite sex. :) I did not say otherwise. However, I'm not of the opinion that a woman has to have her tits hanging out, tons of make-up on and be dressed in heels to be beautiful, attractive, or sexy. In fact, I think women are most beautiful in their natural state. I don't present myself as a slob in any of the photos I post...a girl can be casual and still attractive.

[anna-sollanna.livejournal.com]

> Have you had luck with online dating?
No, but I remember times when only smart people had access to the Internet and thus, mingling in chats, I've met a couple of interesting guys. Unfortunately, this time of smart Internet users has sunk into obivion....

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

The Internet is full of vast knowledge, but it seems the majority have humans with access to it now use it for completely different reasons. To read useless information, scandals, troll or make negative comments toward others...it's sometimes hard to find the positive, but I continue to focus on it. Otherwise, life becomes too depressing. :)

[krasnogorr.livejournal.com]

Привет!

У нас подняли цену на водку. Мы с тобой общались на тему снижения цены и твои русские друзья-интеллектуалы убедили, что снижение цены - это шаг для смягчения боли от санкций. А как они трактуют повышение цены?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Why are you asking me about vodka? :)) The post is about dating, or perhaps women make you want to drink alcohol? :) I have not discussed the issue of vodka prices with any of my friends.

[geranim.livejournal.com]

Хотелось бы в общих чертах по русски этот текст прочитать.
О чем там?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I'm American, and speak English. You can use Google translate, if you wish to read the text in Russian, but I can't ensure the accuracy of the online translation.

[michael fox (from livejournal.com)]

> Have you had luck with online dating?
Sure I had and many other people had too. And I hear complaints like yours just too often.
Your issue seems to stem from misunderstanding how these things work.

Lots of males who could be your perfect partner get rejected just because you expect them to write a romantic first message based on reading of your profile. Yes, there will be a few who read the kind of advice you just gave us, and will send almost exactly the same message to all the ladies they'd like to get to know. Do you want a sophisticated player or a real person?

Unless the guy's message is plain unacceptable, rude, or stupid, you should at least take a look at his profile and decide if this one has a slightest chance of being a good match. Not every guy has time to read your plain Jane profile, as he knows it's a numbers game.

So, don't be lazy and stop ignoring all your potential perfect matches just because they skimmed your profile. The good ones WILL read it after you reply, and this is the point you can weed off the losers.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I did not say the first message had to be romantic, only that it contains some indication the man has actually taken the time to read my profile and understand basic things about me, and what I'm searching for in a partner. I've never treated dating, or romantic relationships, as a "numbers game," going through dozens of men, or wasting time with them. I'd rather focus on finding one with potential than waste hours dealing with fools, or men just looking to get laid. I need more than that at this point in life...

[svat-vladimir.livejournal.com]

One lady I know since 1980, with the help of the Internet found a husband in the United States. This is interesting. She graduated from the technical University, as I did, then she learned to be a psychologist and coach. Taught other women how to make men fools slaves female desires))) . Now in Tampa, Florida sells real estate. Here's a progress)))

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Good for her! :) But who wants a slave? This is boring, when a partner obeys all your commands and there is no challenge. :))