peacetraveler22 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
peacetraveler22) wrote2013-08-20 10:58 am
peacetraveler22) wrote2013-08-20 10:58 am
Living Child Free
I don't have children, and probably never will. I've never had the motherly urge, or felt panic as the biological clock moved forward. At my age, the clock is in alarm mode and there's absolutely no sense of desperation or yearning for a child. Even as a young girl, I never dreamed of a wedding, the white picket fence or kids. I was motivated by new experiences, new sights and new senses. Always with my nose in a book, reading about some distant place or culture rather than feeding baby dolls with imaginary bottles. In some ways, I've always been a wanderer, a free spirit who doesn't wish to be tied down. I like the freedom of a child free life, the ability to decide at the last minute to pack my bags and go with no hesitation or worries.
The truth is I love children, and am surrounded by them at all times. Almost every weekend, I'm at my sister's house spending time with my nephew - the little rascal in this photo. A five year old genius who constantly amazes me with his sense of wonder, his curiosity about the world and things around him. I mentioned before that my mom comes from a large family, ten siblings who have produced a lot of offspring. So, I also have a lot of young cousins and I visit them frequently. For me, it's enough at this point in life.
Sometimes my nephew will pack his bag and spend the weekend at my apartment. A sort of adventure to the "big city." We stare at the Washington Monument from my window, watch airplanes land at National Airport from my balcony, read books and play in the pool. By Sunday evening, I'm completely exhausted and crave peace and quiet. I send him home to mommy and return to normal life with great pleasure. Throughout the week, I speak to him and other cousins on the phone numerous times. Constant contact with the little ones.
When I first started this blog, the thing that amazed me most were the messages I would get from men who suggested that I must be "miserable" without children. It's not "natural" for a woman my age to be unmarried and not have a family. The implication was that I'm some type of flawed or selfish human being for choosing this lifestyle. To me, the more selfish route in life are those who get married and have children merely to conform with societal norms or perceptions of what a woman should be. Women who have children because it's expected, and then simply ignore them, pass them off on nannies and, in the end, produce damaged adults.
If you regularly read my blog, it should be clear that I don't subscribe to traditional views of womanhood. In my mind, a woman's place in the world should be what she wants it to be. Just like a man. This is not some crazy feminist statement, and I respect those who choose the path of housewife and motherhood. These women are the champions of the world, carrying so much responsibility on their shoulders. I count my own mom in the category. She had me at 20 years old, and worked the night shift for many years so she could be with my sister and me during the day. To this day, she remains a huge inspiration in my life.
I'm not opposed to children, and perhaps I'll meet a wonderful man in the next few years and feel the urge to have a baby. Those who know me constantly say I would be a great mom. Despite what some of you think, I am in fact a very caring, thoughtful and nurturing woman. I care deeply about children, and represent neglected and abused ones in the family court system free of charge. I've prosecuted "dead beat" dads who failed to pay child support, and found homes for children who were living with drug addicted and abusive parents. Those who harm innocent children - in my mind these people are the worst scum of the earth.
In America, women in my position are not viewed as abnormal. Fewer women are having babies, and those who do are having them at a much older age. An unmarried woman is not seen as some type of damaged goods. In fact, there are many single women who remain youthful and lively in their 40's, 50's and onward. I count myself in this category. Running around with my partner in crime, causing trouble and having fun as often as possible.
It's my perception that this is another big difference between Russian and American cultures, but maybe I'm wrong. How would I be perceived in Russia as a 40 year old, childless woman? For those who have kids, how did it change your life?
In the end, I feel no obligation to procreate or get married for the sake of others. In the words of the great American poet Robert Frost:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry that I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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I have a very devoted and loving husband, we had our 5th wedding anniversary in May. We want to have children. I personally had the motherly urge when I was 15 - yes, as early as that! But I understand the great responsibility of this new status. So I did my best to bring my children into a friendly world. Now I think, I can afford this.
But planning a child is still an "innovation" in Russia. Most children become a surprise for their parents. Girls are very often afraid of abortion. I've never wanted to find myself in such a situation: to deliver a baby in order not to loose the ability to have children. My mother did so, and this is an ugly and sad experience.
I think, we have so many curious "stakeholders" because of the "barrack syndrome". Our parents and grandparents rarely had a flat for themselves. So we are supposed to be a part of their family. And you can guess, who is supposed to be a boss :)))
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"Who is supposed to be boss." :)) Russian man, of course? This will be a topic later in the week. Russian men vs. American men. Stay tuned! :)
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And of course most Russian men are very dominant, even if they have addictions of different kinds, lower salaries and so on. That's why I wanted to stay unmarried :)
Now the situation is changing. When both of our spouses work a lot, they both go to their kitchen and cook something!
There is some misunderstanding with responsibility.
When Mexican raises seven simple and hard working guys, he is responsible. When Russian spends all his life in thinking that this world is too cruel for small cute children, he is coward. When European thinks children poop, he is selfish :)
Re: There is some misunderstanding with responsibility.
There was nothing about you!
Re: There was nothing about you!
But I think that it is partly true - many people use similar explanations when they don't want to have children. But I do want. Everything I do now is done for them. I hope to see them very soon ^_^
Re: There was nothing about you!
We with my wife just had sex without condoms until it happened...
The type of child soul you attract depends on the energy and soul level you have ... not on dentists.
Re: There was nothing about you!
Re: There was nothing about you!
But in between she got some common infection ("корь", or something like that) from her older son during pregnancy and her daughter was born with big problems and died soon.
It is not in your hands to predict everything.
Re: There was nothing about you!
If I can solve some health problems right now, before pregnancy, isn't it a good chance? Thank you,I'll take measles into consideration. I hope your sister feels better now, it's a pity that the girl died...
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But, in fact, I am only 27 years old:) And I have so many plans and dreams to implement. I don't want to blame own children for my unfulfilled dreams and unrealized plans. Moreover, my husband and I don't feel that we have enough life experience and knowledge to bring up a child. So, it's just not the time. I think 35-45 years would be the best time.
no subject