Women, Men and the Dating World

[peacetraveler22]

Last week many Americans were in an uproar when a religious speaker offered dating advice to students in a Texas high school. The speaker, known for his conservative Christian views, made the statement that dateable women "know how to shut up." You can read about his speech in this article, but here are some highlights on what makes men and women "dateable" in the speaker's view:

(1) Dateable girls don't monopolize the conversation. They don't tell everything about themselves....she doesn't imagine things to be more than they are.
(2) Dateable girls don't tease. They don't show men hot little bodies and then tell them they can't touch.
(3) Dateable girls let guys be leaders and do guy things like getting a door or opening a ketchup bottle.
(4) "Men of God are wild, not domesticated. They don't live by the rules of the opposite sex. They fight battles, conquer lands, and stand up for the oppressed." [My note: HOORAY! Wild, man beasts saving the oppressed! This is the most absurd statement he makes.]
(5) Dateable guys know that porn is bad for the spirit and the mind. They keep women covered up.

His main advice to women - "first thing you need to understand is that guys are going to lie to you to get what they want and what they want is sex. The end."

What do I think about this?

First, all of these seminars, books and Cosmo articles about finding true love, attracting a mate, etc. are forms of love propaganda. Feeding people's brains with nonsense about what women want, what men want, rules of attraction and other things which are highly subjective. What do people want? All want to be loved and accepted, but the manner in which this is felt and expressed will vary for each person.

This particular speech was given in a religious, conservative Texas town yet many students became enraged and walked out of the assembly. Personally, I don't understand all the controversy. If you take out the religious overtones, most of what he says makes sense to me. Almost all of my friends are men, and I'm frequently surrounded by their girlfriends. I already explained in this post that most of these women make me insane with nonstop chatter. So, I agree women sometimes need to shut up. In the beginning, I appreciate some mystery in a relationship. I try not to tell my whole life story in the first hour of meeting a man. Better to get to know someone gradually, learn their quirks, annoyances and inner charm over time. I think this was the speaker's main point. He didn't say women should have no view point or never speak. If you read me regularly, you know I highly value strong women. Women who speak their mind and make their place in the world, thus I would never advocate for a woman to suppress her individuality or personality to the point of non-existence. To the point she merely becomes a decoration, trophy or play toy for a man. However, there is some value in my favorite saying - "be silent or speak something worth hearing."

Most women, including me, occasionally imagine things to be more than they are. We obsess over actions and words much more than the average man, creating fairy tales in our head when, in reality, the foundation for the castle hasn't even been poured. Why? I don't know the answer, probably just inherent psychological and biological gender differences. However, I don't envision any man as a prince nor myself as a princess. Something strange with the mentality of those who believe they will find the "perfect" someone, or have the ability to mold a man or woman into the soul mate they've imagined all their life. All human beings are flawed. My personal flaws? There are many, but when it comes to the initial stages of dating I'm sometimes emotionally shut down, silent and reserved. Friendly to all, but few people really know or understand me well because I let so few in. Who will date me? A very patient man who is interested in discovering me as a person, not an object.

I don't agree with speaker's assertion that sex is the only thing men want from women. I refuse to believe it. In the speaker's view, men and women can't be merely friends because a single man will always crave sex from a woman in his constant company. I'm not a man, so I can't speak to this fact but I have platonic friendships with single male friends. Are they all dying to get me in bed? Highly doubtful.

Is porn bad for the spirit and the mind? NO, not in moderation but yes if it becomes an addiction like anything else. The rest of his statements are true - men don't want to be emasculated. We know this, no new discovery by this proclamation. Yes, some women are teases, dress provocatively and then get offended when men stare at them or make sexual advances.

In the end, what makes someone dateable? There's no magic formula to the equation. For me, there are certain qualities that are very important but I don't operate off some check-list when I consider a man. If I could create the perfect man he would be intelligent, open minded, creative, humorous, kind, adventurous, and most importantly, flexible. The ability to compromise is essential in relationship sustainability. Physically, I always notice a man's mouth and hair first. I like full lips and wild, wavy, black hair like this guy.

When I was younger, I always dated skinny men but now I prefer more meat on the bone.  In America, there's a sexual saying - "more cushion for the pushin..." I hope you understand. :) I don't want to hug a rock or bag of bones. Necessary to have something to hold onto, to keep me warm and cozy!!  Always, the most attractive feature on any man is an active and evolving mind. A constant quest for knowledge and discovery. This trumps almost everything in my view.

How about you? What qualities do you look for in the opposite sex, personality and looks wise? And for those who are married, what was so special about the person that you decided to spend the rest of your life with him or her?

Related topics: Russian Men vs. American Men , Relationships, Sex and Power , Bridge of Kisses, Moscow

Comments

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I don't know a Russian word for "dateable." Maybe another reader will come up with one. I would never fuck someone I don't enjoying talking to, or a personality I don't like. This, a big difference between men and women. :) However, I've had a "fuck buddy" in the past, a male friend I wasn't in a relationship with but felt some type of connection to. This sex was good!

[mujlan01.livejournal.com]

I started torturing my wife, she gave me " an attractive", but it seems that is not the correct meaning ....
Btw Have you ever seen her?
Amy Webb is totally fucking great! :))

http://on.ted.com/AmyWebb

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

"Attractive," it's not the right meaning. You can find someone attractive but not want to date them. "Dateable," it simply means someone you want to date or have a relationship with. I didn't think the term would be confusing for readers, but maybe it is? Happens sometimes on this blog where the language barrier becomes an issue. But not often!

I didn't know this Amy woman, but I watched her video. Online dating in America, it's like the Wild West! I tried it, but it's not for me. Glad she found her love. :)) I'm the opposite of her, and never thought about a "timeline" for my life. Of course, main goals I wish to achieve but not "I'll be married by __ age, have a child by __ age, etc."

[mujlan01.livejournal.com]

-----How about you? What qualities do you look for in the opposite sex, personality and looks wise? ----
Brain and boobs. Such a cocktail turns me on :))

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

"Brain and boobs," a good combination! :)

[mujlan01.livejournal.com]

btw...Why do you quit online dating? Here in Russia i guess it's a ZOO also, but in this crazy fast life it's still a real instrument to find out someone for relationships... Well it'll require time and efforts for filtration...))

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

The online dating process was strange for me. Probably because I was good friends with all most of my ex-boyfriends before we started romantic relationships. So, to just see someone on the Internet and go on a "date" was weird. Plus, the only men who contacted me were super old, or clearly delinquent and incapable of constructing sentences. Why? Exactly what that Amy woman said in her video. Many women have seductive pictures in their profiles, boobs hanging out, etc. I had very plain pictures in hoodies, hair in a ponytail or hat, little make-up. The way I look in real life. :) Not that it's an ugly appearance, but most men will go with the woman showing boobs over me. This is the same on the rare occasion I go out to bars w/friends. Men don't pay attention to me. There are too many other provocateurs to distract them. :))

Online dating is very common. Most of my friends met their partners, or now husbands/wives, this way. How did you meet your wife?

[mujlan01.livejournal.com]

You know I've dated online a lot... And some of the girls I've met were truly worthy of attention...
But every time there was a kind of missing element for a complete picture.
And one time there was a corporate party, definitely I didn't want to show up there, but I had to...business partners and so on...
And a wonderful thing happened! ))) I've met her! A month later we were living together..

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Great! :)