About the Date...

[peacetraveler22]

Over the past few days, I've received several messages inquiring how my date went. It went well, and there will be another. :) Overall, he left a favorable impression and I will tell you why.

(1) He was polite and respectful to the waiter in the restaurant, saying "hello", "please" and "thank you." Not barking orders or commands, or treating the young server as a "slave" during the meal. This is a good sign of character in my view, and a non-elitist attitude, which is essential for me. We must treat all humans with respect, no matter the gender, social class, ethnicity, etc., until they give us a reason not to. For me, character and manners are of extreme importance, so I watch closely the behaviors and overall demeanor of a man during a first date, particularly how he treats others. As we know, most men are well-behaved toward their date, esp. at the first meeting. :)

(2) He opened the car door for me. Yes, I liked it. It's the sign of a gentleman and good upbringing. Plus, it's very, very rare for any man to do it in the USA. Over time, this would grow boring or even annoying because I would feel helpless if a man reached for my door every single time we went somewhere. However, in the beginning, it's a nice gesture.

(3) He asked A LOT of questions about me. In my experience, a lot of men are egomaniacs, with no foundation or achievements to support their inflated sense of self. They begin a lot of sentences with the word "I", spouting off a long list of things which are immaterial to me in the dating/love equation (their homes, cars, how much money they make). During this date, we talked mostly about EXPERIENCES not THINGS.

(4) He was relaxed and easy to talk to, with a lot of shared interests and passions. So, the conversation went smoothly and was never dull. He never once reached for his iPhone at the table, an amazing feat, for either sex! Of course, we all crave an attractive partner, but looks don't go very far in the long term. You must be able to relate to a person on many levels, not only sexually, if you're going to spend a lot of time with them or be in a committed relationship.

(5) Most important! He followed up the next day with a phone call, not a text or email. I refuse to be in a "virtual" relationship, where me and my partner are communicating mostly via text or Facebook messages. I still value the art of human conversation, and it's amazing how some men can be so charming and interesting in emails, yet in person have absolutely no social skills or charisma. I'm not speaking about general nervousness, which most people have during a first date, but the inability to maintain eye contact or be comfortable in one's own skin.

And, yes, he paid for the meal and I let him, without hesitation. So, you can see, I am in fact quite a traditional woman when it comes to relationships, not a raging feminist as some have accused. :)) There's no reason for excitement or relationship hopes, it was just a first date and it takes many, many encounters and an investment of time to truly understand a person and all their attributes and flaws...each of us has both! The main thing is to meet an interesting person, even if nothing develops romantically.

What do you notice most about a person on a first date, or encounter?

Comments

[saccovanzetti.livejournal.com]

4. Of course, we all crave an attractive partner, but looks don't go very far in the long term.

That bad, eh? ;)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

He was just ordinary looking, but for me strong sexual attraction usually develops over time, rarely at the first instance. Difficult for a man to understand, I know! :)

[grand-damme.livejournal.com]

his smell !!!

[saccovanzetti.livejournal.com]

I heard "teeth" before.

[notabler.livejournal.com]

That's sounds fantastic, Shannon! I keep fingers crossed. I have a very similar approach to a man on a date. But it's slightly different in UK and former SU. Here such a behavior is quite natural and ordinary (except his interests and range of topics) , in SU I wasn't so lucky. The best of males feels as king, if he brings a bottle of wine and flowers to the date. But, of course, a man always pays in the restaurant.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

"males feels as king, if he brings a bottle of wine and flowers to the date..." :)) I don't like men to always pay for me, but in the beginning I don't put up a fuss about it. Equally, I'm not offended if a man offers to split the bill on a first date. I would be happy to pay my share.

[a-nimaida.livejournal.com]

read http://peacetraveler22.livejournal.com/132409.html
I liked
he is good)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, he's a very interesting man so far! Let's see how things progress...

[grand-damme.livejournal.com]

Вy the way, do you have planned a laboratory testing of his sexual stamina?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Not yet...maybe eventually! ;)) He's younger, so his stamina should still be fine!

[pin-gwin.livejournal.com]

Opening car door? O_o... Feels a bit overkill to me.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Over time, it would be extreme overkill but it's okay on the first date. :) In the same way, too many compliments are overkill for me. It somehow seems forced or artificial. I mean, I don't want to be told how beautiful I am, or how blue my eyes are, each day of the week. Somehow the statements lose their impact or value if repeated too frequently. Perhaps I'm strange in this way, because some women wished to worship 24 hours a day. :)))

[ms-sh.livejournal.com]

It's always good when you find your soul-mate ;)
interesting opinion: "this would grow boring or even annoying because I would feel helpless if a man reached for my door every single time we went somewhere"))))
btw, European men usually don't open doors in contrast of Russian

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

You don't feel helpless if a man is reaching to do everything for you all the time? Btw, one man I knew became offended because I would not let him push the cart in the grocery store!! :)) For me, it's a red flag and too controlling.

[grand-damme.livejournal.com]

What did you wore on your date, provocative gown?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

No, I only dress provocatively in the bedroom, not in public! :)) I wore a simple dress, but didn't expose too much cleavage. My hair was down and in it's natural, wild and curly state. I'm modest, and don't want a man's attention to be too distracted such that he can't focus on my words. ;)

[sibir-muzhyk.livejournal.com]

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

:))

[exnadya.livejournal.com]

Dreamm man!
Please, ask him next time in which reservation was he grown!

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

He's only a dream man if this behavior is consistent, and not just for show until he gets me in bed and has his way with me. :)) I've met many men who appeared charming in dates 1 - 3, and then turned into complete nightmares after a few months. So, I'm always cautious and not too hopeful.

[lazicka.livejournal.com]

While I was single, same things mattered to me. Plus, how tall he is. 'Cause I used to favor high heels :-)
Good luck! Judging by the discription you gave, seems like a nice guy ;-)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

This guy was very short!

[anna tairova (from livejournal.com)]

Seems like a great date to me!
Did he tell you any things about Russia and his work?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Only that he lived in Moscow, and didn't really like it. On this point, we agree. :) He's an engineer, and helped install complex security systems at various governmental organizations/buildings in the country to which he's assigned. Previously, he moved to a different country every 2 - 3 years under his State Dept. contract, but he recently changed positions and will not be in Arlington (my area) long term. That's about it. Mostly we talked about travel, and the different countries in which he lived. I was most curious about his time in Saudi Arabia.

[alexvolodimer.livejournal.com]

Unbelievably formal date's description)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm a lawyer, what do you expect? :)) I must explain all things in detail.

Делу время, потехе час

[andrey-kaminsky.livejournal.com]

I think a week or two i'll be in alcohol nirvana, so i congratulate you with the success, existing and future in advance. Maybe later, if i would in the mood, i'll talk about how once i haven't got a boner because i was too drunk. That was a time of student, i was young and inexperienced and therefore i was very worried. Very fun story:)

Re: Делу время, потехе час

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I hope the girl was nice to you, and your failed boner. :) It happens, even to the best of men.

[elena-88888.livejournal.com]

Just before other comments - DID you agree for the second date with him?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, but it will be a long delay before it will happen due to the holiday weekend, and our busy work schedules. :(

[mjol1nir.livejournal.com]

Glad you like your first date and agree with almost all your items. =)
Especially I don't understand what for some people bark waiters. This is absolutely stupid behavior. These guys really think they look like a big boss?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Some people just have this personality in all aspects of their life. They think they're so important, that people should just like them or be enchanted with them by their mere presence. I like very humble people! Probably because I grew up in a modest home, in very simple surroundings.

[eugenius-uk.livejournal.com]

The main consideration for me is whether we have "chemistry" together, or not. This feeling is very difficult to describe, but you just feel it.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yep, I agree! But chemistry is not always instantly felt. It can develop over time.

[wojzeh.livejournal.com]

Really good guidebook on how to impress others!  Bravo!  I tend to add that this could be useful for salesmen to learn to make good relationship,too.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

This is just my perception, for other women it will be different. :) Some care very much about prestige, how much money a man makes, and what type of car he drives.

[onkel-hans.livejournal.com]

It is only good to be a feminist. I will not continue with an "I" - myself am a feminist and even a lesbian!

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I always suspected this! :))

[onkel-hans.livejournal.com]

Did this fellow move the chair back leaving the table?
Did he wipe his hands on the tablecloth?

These are the two professional exposure questions.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

No, he did not remove my chair, only the car door. That was enough. Wipe hands on tablecloth? Even my most barbaric male friends don't do this in public! :))

[yarowind.livejournal.com]

Good start! I will wait continuing:)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Normally, I will not write intricate details about my dating or love life, but many people were sending me messages, so I provided a short update. Plus, this is a good instruction guide to remind guys to behave as gentleman! :) Sometimes, it appears chivalry is dead.

[south-of-broad.livejournal.com]

Second date?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes! But honestly I'm getting more a "friend" vibe. Let's see what happens. :) Do you know any single Southern bachelors? :)

[anna-sollanna.livejournal.com]

Good luck! It looks like he is a very decent guy!
> He opened the car door for me. Yes, I liked it. It's the sign of a gentleman and good upbringing. Plus, it's very, very rare for any man to do it in the USA.
I thought such things are no longer impossible!
> What do you notice most about a person on a first date, or encounter?
I don't know how my brain makes such an analysis but 5 seconds is enough to determine whether I want to have a sexual relationship with a guy or not. If not I do not prolong any communication that may indicate I have a personal interest in him.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

"5 seconds!" Amazing! :))

[amandakysses.livejournal.com]

Woman!! My mind is exploding that I missed all of this! I have the biggest smile on my face!! Why can't I remember to check your blog more often! Oh my gosh! I need more, tell me everything! Have you guys spoken a lot since? Did you kiss? He's so handsome. Did he make you laugh? Did he turn you on? Have you been on other dates with other men? I had so much fun online dating, I met all kinds of interesting people! I am so freaking excited for you!!! Xoxo

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I had a mostly friendship vibe from him, but we will hang out again as soon as our schedules allow. :) I'm too lazy for online dating. I don't want to be going out every night, and it takes too long to search profiles and find a normal person! :))

[positivecore.livejournal.com]

When I met my future husband the first time (I was looking for a husband, the only way I could look at my long term relationships with the men, just the way I was raised) I like that he was very natural and open. Conversation couldn't be very intellectual because I almost didn't speak English.. He understood that and tried to speak very basic English. He also brought me flowers. I got it: he is a very nice guy. I really-really liked him from the very first date. I think, most women are very traditional in terms of their expectations from men especially at the first date. I agree with everything you are saying, I would think the same way. I think so far, this guy deserves your attention. I pretty sure you can find a decent nice man. There are a lot of them here in America.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Now you're writing in perfect English. :)) Yes, there are many good men in America, but I'm not very social. I don't go out looking for them, so the fact that I'm single is my own fault. I'm glad you met a nice man!