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While editing photos from the last winter journey, I was reminded of a scene that plays out all over Russia in the brutal winter months. It doesn't matter where this photo was taken, because it's symbolic of almost every city I've driven through during all my visits to the country. Usually it's mothers struggling to push a stroller on unclear roads or sidewalks covered in snow, ice, and most often a combination of both. Or, they labor to carry a heavy stroller and child up or down steps in metro stations. I began to wonder whether the country in which you live matters when it comes to raising children?

I think so, for conditions everywhere aren't the same, though the motivation of any good parent around the globe is the well-being and development of their child. In the U.S., I rarely see situations like this and there are several reasons why. First, we're a lazy society, and elevators or escalators exist in almost all major shopping centers or transport hubs. Second, most people have cars, and aren't struggling to walk everywhere in bad weather conditions for basic chores or necessities in life. Outside of big cities, parking is rarely an issue, and even in big cities there are plenty of garages but you will pay a lot to park in them in places like Washington, DC (around $25/day), and in New York City the cost is even more astronomical. Finally, we're a heavily regulated society, with a lot of laws on both the Federal and State level.

What is the result of all these laws? There are personal burdens you must bear, or face some kind of consequence. In the U.S., store owners, and even home owners in certain residential areas, are required to clear sidewalks and pathways, otherwise they face fines. Similarly, local officials are under pressure from their constituents to have safe road conditions and timely plowing in the event of major storms. If they fuck up, they will be held accountable in most cases and face public outrage, or the loss of their position in the next election cycle. Yes, many Americans are whiners, and don't wish to struggle so much in daily life. First World problems, but also First World benefits because leaders are required to act, not merely exist and sit on their thrones. I already showed you how my sister's suburban neighborhood responded after a blizzard a few months ago. The post is here. We also frequently close major highways and roads when they become extremely hazardous due to ice or snow to prevent accidents and deaths.

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I look at this photo and immediately panic due to the unsafe conditions. Imagine if the driver was irresponsible or drunk, coming up this hill at a high speed? The mother and her child are right in the pathway of danger. So, in my view, there are unique challenges to parenting in Russia, and all countries. For those in the U.S., you can share the frustrating challenges of raising children here.

The best parents are selfless, and play one of the most vital roles by raising intelligent, healthy and well-rounded humans who will contribute something positive to the world in the future. I've never once felt an obligation or desire to have this responsibility, and the reasons why are well-known to readers and documented here.


What do you think is the most challenging aspect of parenting?

P.S.: Yes, I know there are many wonderful and rewarding aspects of having children, but this post is about the challenges. Similarly, there are lots of pros to living child free. A personal decision, as all things in life.


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Да ты гонишь:)

Date: 2016-04-01 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andrey-kaminsky.livejournal.com
Отдохни, ослабь свой натиск на сеть. Очевидно же, что уже перегрелся:)

Re: Деффки

Date: 2016-04-01 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andrey-kaminsky.livejournal.com
When Jesus comes, you will look very faded on your side of the ocean. Singing the national anthem and waving the flag will be meaningless, Peter Lovygin will be disappointed as well. Me and Jesus will drink vodka:)

Date: 2016-04-01 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andrey-kaminsky.livejournal.com
As life in Thailand means the use of sunscreen, so life in Russia means the use vodka.

Re: Деффки

Date: 2016-04-01 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
Peter claims to be a Muslim, did you know this? :) Women will still be drawn to him, even during an apocalypse, or after the rapture. He's very charismatic, charming and handsome in real life. Maybe Jesus will even decide to taste the forbidden fruit of a man if he happens to encounter Peter, esp. if you've already shoved a few vodka shots down his throat. :)))

Re: Деффки

Date: 2016-04-01 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andrey-kaminsky.livejournal.com
I imagine the coming of Christ somewhat differently :) Obviously, your script of the advent is not adapted to Russia. I think it is too advanced even for the US.

Date: 2016-04-01 04:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irisha8787.livejournal.com
As someone mentioned above, they walk not because they don't have a car, but because it is required. 3 hours of walking with a stroller a day. They say fresh air (and cold air during winter) is good for kid's immune system (although I don't know if there is any fresh air left outside - hehe).

Did you know that in the US the average amount of time kids spend outside is less than the amount of time outside prisoners spend in jail? also.. that kids stopped exploring, they are pretty much not allowed outside anymore. When i was growing up, we would run around the neighborhood all day without supervision, go to school by ourselves, crossing the streets, buying groceries, etc. Anyways I got off topic, but in Russia mothers believe that the kid should go for a walk and go to a playground every day. If the mom is working, then whoever is watching the kid should push the stroller for hours (grandmas for example).
After the kid turns 7, they go to school and then do homework at home, while waiting for mom to come from work. They learn not to use matches, not to stick scissors in the power outlets, not to light curtains on fire.

Re: Деффки

Date: 2016-04-01 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
Well, what can I say? I have an active and vivid imagination. :))

Date: 2016-04-01 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
I really didn't know about this Russian tradition of walking with a stroller three hours a day...first I've heard of it. You think American moms never take their kids to playgrounds? :)) I don't know why you think they "aren't allowed outside anymore." The amount of time a child spends outside varies, of course. My nephew and other small cousins play outside all the time in nice weather, and there are always tons of young kids running around my parent's neighborhood on bikes. I just looked at my iPhone and grabbed a few shots of all the outside fun they have, including playgrounds, sports, etc. However, it's definitely a global phenomenon that kids are now more attached to iPads, electronic devices, etc. I've seen it even in Russia many times in Moscow, where kids are playing on an iPad, or other device on the metro or at the table. Different generation, different ways to entertain themselves. This unfortunately has a negative impact on imagination and exploration. :((

 photo IMG_9937_zpsrlk7gmas.jpg
Edited Date: 2016-04-01 04:59 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-04-01 04:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
In what city do you live? Quality of life always varies depending on city and region. I can't compare my life here in Northern Virginia to life in rural Alabama or Tennessee.

Date: 2016-04-01 04:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
They mostly like to complain when they perceive I write something bad about the country, but this post is just about observations and challenges. Nothing more.

Date: 2016-04-01 04:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kremlin-curant.livejournal.com
You are pathetic.

Date: 2016-04-01 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kremlin-curant.livejournal.com
You wrote here a lot of unpleasant thing regarding Russia. The people can get insulted.

Date: 2016-04-01 05:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dkfl.livejournal.com
less than 20 km from Moscow..

Date: 2016-04-01 05:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
Then I have probably passed through your town at one point. :)

Date: 2016-04-01 05:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irisha8787.livejournal.com
I think it depends on the parents and area. I just think that the law is a bit too strict in the US, where moms need to find time to take kids to the playground, kids can't go by themselves. I understand in the big cities like NYC it is hard to let your kids roam around, because the traffic is ridiculous, there is a lot of bums and it is not safe, but everywhere else? My boss' kids are 11 and 13 and he still has babysitter for them to watch over, as if a kid at those ages can't think for itself. I remember when I was growing up, we had nintendo and sega hooked up to the TV and played video games and watched tv, but then moms would kick us out of the house to go get some fresh air and we would go knock on the neighbors' doors and get all the kids from the neighborhood (like 20 of us) and go explore and make tree houses, etc. Like in the movie goonies, remember?

Of course if you are a good parent with a lot of free time, you can take your kids for weekend hikes, camping, etc.. But it is harder to do nowadays, especially if you have only 5 days off a year and have to choose between cleaning the house, going to the gym, playing with your kids, going grocery shopping or take them to a sport's class?

As you can tell, I have some concerns as a potential future-mom =)

Date: 2016-04-01 05:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
Goonies is a classic. :)) Watched it so many times. If you get only 5 days of vacation a year, you should search for a new job, as this is not customary. However, we still don't compare to Russia - where the entire country sits off for weeks at the end of the year and during May holidays, etc. :)) Personally, I have no limit on vacation time.
Edited Date: 2016-04-01 05:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-04-01 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] voron-degtyarsk.livejournal.com
Почему данный блог всё время вылазит в русскоязычный топ? Он должен быть в другом разделе. Модераторов - на мыло)

Date: 2016-04-01 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
Because my readers are 95% native Russian speakers who understand English, and most of them are living in Russia. Plus, I'm part of the Cyrillic sector of LJ. But this post isn't hanging in the TOP, so not sure how you found it. :)

Date: 2016-04-01 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skifa.livejournal.com
Never heard of 3 hours a day, have one child and live in Russia :) Depends on a doctor and mom and everything is subjective.
Now I live in a city where it is quite hard to find a place to walk with a stroller, no parks or normal road. And even bigger cities are a challenge - been there, done that.
We did spend much more time playing outside, that our children do, but now it is mainly due to the safety reasons. I wouldn't let my 5-year old play alone outside these days.
Btw, not everyone here has the luxury of being a home-stay mom, too. Not everyone likes it (although if you have a nice and legal salary for the past two years of work, you will be paid quite nicely up till the child is 1,5 years old, it's the law of maternity leave), firstly, and secondly, the kids start kindergarten at the earliest age of 1,5, and you are lucky if your child actually get into the kindergarten at this age or even later. Some work from home and the employees usually are not happy with having a mom with a young child in their staff for many reasons - mainly, because of the sick-leaves, should the child be unwell.

Date: 2016-04-01 05:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andrey-kaminsky.livejournal.com
More than you?

Date: 2016-04-01 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
My sister and her husband both work. She took three months off for maternity leave after my nephew was born, and then went back to work. She's lucky because we have a huge family, so relatives always watched my nephew when he was an infant and toddler, and she knew he was well-cared for. They simply can't afford to have one person stay home, and I don't even think my sister would want to honestly. Just depends on the personality. :) The world is a different place now, it seems there are many more disturbed people all over the globe, or maybe we just hear about them more often due to the free flow of information via the Internet and 24 hour news cycle. Not sure. :) But I'm sure there has been some study done on this topic.

Date: 2016-04-01 05:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irisha8787.livejournal.com
A lot of companies have a policy, of 5 paid vacation days off per year once you start and then you get some hours added every paycheck.

Right now I am at about 9 or something, but I never take more than 2 days off at a time.

Do you have unlimited paid vacation time? I have never heard of this in the US!

Date: 2016-04-01 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] peacetraveler22.livejournal.com
Yes, all that matters in big law firms is that you bill a certain number of hours to clients per year. :) As long as you hit the target number, or somewhere close to it, it doesn't matter from where you work or when. So, it's a flexible job in that regard. No set schedule in most cases.

Date: 2016-04-01 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skifa.livejournal.com
Your sister is lucky indeed and it does depend on the personality. And taking care of the baby can be tedious, lit is groundhog day over and over again with some variations :)
We lived far away from my or my husband's folks or any relatives, so I stayed at home, and, frankly, I enjoyed every minute of it - well, almost every minute :))) We managed to travel some, make friends, went for walks and whatnot.
There are many challenges to being a parent to even one child in Russia. But I am glad I made a choice of having a child. I totally understand why some people opt out of having a child and become child-free, it is their choice. What I don't like or understand is those who call themselves child-free but instead hate children and parents.
And Russia on the whole is not a child-friendly country, or parent-friendly, for that matter, even when I think of 3-year maternity leave, half of it paid :)
It seems like there are far more disturbed people in the world, I agree. And both the Internet and TV contribute to that.
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