Russian parents - unique challenges

[peacetraveler22]

While editing photos from the last winter journey, I was reminded of a scene that plays out all over Russia in the brutal winter months. It doesn't matter where this photo was taken, because it's symbolic of almost every city I've driven through during all my visits to the country. Usually it's mothers struggling to push a stroller on unclear roads or sidewalks covered in snow, ice, and most often a combination of both. Or, they labor to carry a heavy stroller and child up or down steps in metro stations. I began to wonder whether the country in which you live matters when it comes to raising children?

I think so, for conditions everywhere aren't the same, though the motivation of any good parent around the globe is the well-being and development of their child. In the U.S., I rarely see situations like this and there are several reasons why. First, we're a lazy society, and elevators or escalators exist in almost all major shopping centers or transport hubs. Second, most people have cars, and aren't struggling to walk everywhere in bad weather conditions for basic chores or necessities in life. Outside of big cities, parking is rarely an issue, and even in big cities there are plenty of garages but you will pay a lot to park in them in places like Washington, DC (around $25/day), and in New York City the cost is even more astronomical. Finally, we're a heavily regulated society, with a lot of laws on both the Federal and State level.

What is the result of all these laws? There are personal burdens you must bear, or face some kind of consequence. In the U.S., store owners, and even home owners in certain residential areas, are required to clear sidewalks and pathways, otherwise they face fines. Similarly, local officials are under pressure from their constituents to have safe road conditions and timely plowing in the event of major storms. If they fuck up, they will be held accountable in most cases and face public outrage, or the loss of their position in the next election cycle. Yes, many Americans are whiners, and don't wish to struggle so much in daily life. First World problems, but also First World benefits because leaders are required to act, not merely exist and sit on their thrones. I already showed you how my sister's suburban neighborhood responded after a blizzard a few months ago. The post is here. We also frequently close major highways and roads when they become extremely hazardous due to ice or snow to prevent accidents and deaths.



I look at this photo and immediately panic due to the unsafe conditions. Imagine if the driver was irresponsible or drunk, coming up this hill at a high speed? The mother and her child are right in the pathway of danger. So, in my view, there are unique challenges to parenting in Russia, and all countries. For those in the U.S., you can share the frustrating challenges of raising children here.

The best parents are selfless, and play one of the most vital roles by raising intelligent, healthy and well-rounded humans who will contribute something positive to the world in the future. I've never once felt an obligation or desire to have this responsibility, and the reasons why are well-known to readers and documented here.

What do you think is the most challenging aspect of parenting?

P.S.: Yes, I know there are many wonderful and rewarding aspects of having children, but this post is about the challenges. Similarly, there are lots of pros to living child free. A personal decision, as all things in life.

Comments

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

I really didn't know about this Russian tradition of walking with a stroller three hours a day...first I've heard of it. You think American moms never take their kids to playgrounds? :)) I don't know why you think they "aren't allowed outside anymore." The amount of time a child spends outside varies, of course. My nephew and other small cousins play outside all the time in nice weather, and there are always tons of young kids running around my parent's neighborhood on bikes. I just looked at my iPhone and grabbed a few shots of all the outside fun they have, including playgrounds, sports, etc. However, it's definitely a global phenomenon that kids are now more attached to iPads, electronic devices, etc. I've seen it even in Russia many times in Moscow, where kids are playing on an iPad, or other device on the metro or at the table. Different generation, different ways to entertain themselves. This unfortunately has a negative impact on imagination and exploration. :((

[irisha8787.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on the parents and area. I just think that the law is a bit too strict in the US, where moms need to find time to take kids to the playground, kids can't go by themselves. I understand in the big cities like NYC it is hard to let your kids roam around, because the traffic is ridiculous, there is a lot of bums and it is not safe, but everywhere else? My boss' kids are 11 and 13 and he still has babysitter for them to watch over, as if a kid at those ages can't think for itself. I remember when I was growing up, we had nintendo and sega hooked up to the TV and played video games and watched tv, but then moms would kick us out of the house to go get some fresh air and we would go knock on the neighbors' doors and get all the kids from the neighborhood (like 20 of us) and go explore and make tree houses, etc. Like in the movie goonies, remember?

Of course if you are a good parent with a lot of free time, you can take your kids for weekend hikes, camping, etc.. But it is harder to do nowadays, especially if you have only 5 days off a year and have to choose between cleaning the house, going to the gym, playing with your kids, going grocery shopping or take them to a sport's class?

As you can tell, I have some concerns as a potential future-mom =)

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Goonies is a classic. :)) Watched it so many times. If you get only 5 days of vacation a year, you should search for a new job, as this is not customary. However, we still don't compare to Russia - where the entire country sits off for weeks at the end of the year and during May holidays, etc. :)) Personally, I have no limit on vacation time.

[irisha8787.livejournal.com]

A lot of companies have a policy, of 5 paid vacation days off per year once you start and then you get some hours added every paycheck.

Right now I am at about 9 or something, but I never take more than 2 days off at a time.

Do you have unlimited paid vacation time? I have never heard of this in the US!

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, all that matters in big law firms is that you bill a certain number of hours to clients per year. :) As long as you hit the target number, or somewhere close to it, it doesn't matter from where you work or when. So, it's a flexible job in that regard. No set schedule in most cases.

[irisha8787.livejournal.com]

Well, I work from home, so get that flexibility, but regardless where I am I still have to work :)

[qi-tronic.livejournal.com]

A always wonder how this hours are counted.
Hours spent does not mean the result is achieved.

I had an interview once in an IT company which has the same system (pretty unusual, at least here in Russia).

I did not accept their offer because I worried about 2 things:

1. How productivity can be measured.
2. If productivity really CAN be measured this means that I will do the same standard work again and again (because only standard and repeated work can really be measured).

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, sometimes the result is not achieved, but this doesn't mean that a lot of brain power, effort and time were'nt put into the case. I hate the billable hours system, and am a very bad player at the game. However, this is the way almost all big law firms operate, and corporations are willing to pay. Basically, the system rewards inefficiency. For instance, young attorneys who are green and not yet skilled take three times longer to do something than me, yet have much higher billable hours at the end of the year. Thus, they are the ones who get bonuses. Personally, I never meet the requirement, even on my reduced schedule, because I'm honest and don't screw clients over. Plus, I'm fairly good at writing and it doesn't take so much time to formulate complex arguments or legal briefs. My lesser billable hours aren't really an issue and the firm keeps me because (1) I'm a good attorney, with a strong knowledge base in niche area of law; (2) clients love me, as I've been working with the same ones for almost 15 years now; and (3) I'm good at business meetings/business development because I can talk to anyone, have boobs, and am not a pretentious bitch. :)

[qi-tronic.livejournal.com]

Do it longer :))
Or you want to have more free time?

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Why should I do it longer? I want to escape as soon as possible. :)) It should be obvious to you since you've read me for so many years that this desk job/corporate culture doesn't really aligned with my life goals or personality. Until my doctorate loans are paid off, there is no choice but to stay.

[qi-tronic.livejournal.com]

I still don't understand your goals :))
To travel is not a goal it's a process, a way to spend time.
A good formulated goal, according to a technique I learned at NLP many years ago is when you can imagine how it will look like when you reach it.

This is why abstract things like love, happiness, fame don't count as good goals.
Where should be a kind of detailed image.
Having abstractions as goal you'll never be able to say - I've done it.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

My goal is to work for a humanitarian agency, on overseas assignments. Something like Peace Corps, or various ESL programs. It's a way to combine my passions for travel, exploration and helping others, and still get paid at the same time. :) And this is not some dreamy, abstract concept. I've accomplished something similar in my charitable legal work with immigrants. The end result is visible - to change someone's life in a profound way. The goal is realized, or you can say, "I've done it", when you've altered the course of their life in a concrete way (e.g. helping them escape torture in their home country, or something as simple as having clean water to drink).

[skifa.livejournal.com]

Never heard of 3 hours a day, have one child and live in Russia :) Depends on a doctor and mom and everything is subjective.
Now I live in a city where it is quite hard to find a place to walk with a stroller, no parks or normal road. And even bigger cities are a challenge - been there, done that.
We did spend much more time playing outside, that our children do, but now it is mainly due to the safety reasons. I wouldn't let my 5-year old play alone outside these days.
Btw, not everyone here has the luxury of being a home-stay mom, too. Not everyone likes it (although if you have a nice and legal salary for the past two years of work, you will be paid quite nicely up till the child is 1,5 years old, it's the law of maternity leave), firstly, and secondly, the kids start kindergarten at the earliest age of 1,5, and you are lucky if your child actually get into the kindergarten at this age or even later. Some work from home and the employees usually are not happy with having a mom with a young child in their staff for many reasons - mainly, because of the sick-leaves, should the child be unwell.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

My sister and her husband both work. She took three months off for maternity leave after my nephew was born, and then went back to work. She's lucky because we have a huge family, so relatives always watched my nephew when he was an infant and toddler, and she knew he was well-cared for. They simply can't afford to have one person stay home, and I don't even think my sister would want to honestly. Just depends on the personality. :) The world is a different place now, it seems there are many more disturbed people all over the globe, or maybe we just hear about them more often due to the free flow of information via the Internet and 24 hour news cycle. Not sure. :) But I'm sure there has been some study done on this topic.

[skifa.livejournal.com]

Your sister is lucky indeed and it does depend on the personality. And taking care of the baby can be tedious, lit is groundhog day over and over again with some variations :)
We lived far away from my or my husband's folks or any relatives, so I stayed at home, and, frankly, I enjoyed every minute of it - well, almost every minute :))) We managed to travel some, make friends, went for walks and whatnot.
There are many challenges to being a parent to even one child in Russia. But I am glad I made a choice of having a child. I totally understand why some people opt out of having a child and become child-free, it is their choice. What I don't like or understand is those who call themselves child-free but instead hate children and parents.
And Russia on the whole is not a child-friendly country, or parent-friendly, for that matter, even when I think of 3-year maternity leave, half of it paid :)
It seems like there are far more disturbed people in the world, I agree. And both the Internet and TV contribute to that.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, tedious, frustrating and difficult at times! I still feel this way with my nephew, but then he smiles, gives me a big hug, or says something cute, and I melt. :)) I always try to rescue my friends who are stay at home moms and force them out of the house on occasion for coffee or dinner. I think it's really important that they have some alone time, and don't lose all sense of self. However, it's difficult when the child is a newborn and toddler, and not yet self-sufficient. I really love kids. :)) They are innocent, open and curious. My nephew's nonstop energy is amazing. :) To see the world through their eyes constantly teaches me new lessons...but I've never wanted one of my own.

[skifa.livejournal.com]

You are one awesome sister, friend and auntie really :)
Moms need breaks, I'm lucky to have an understanding hubby who took care of the baby and let me have a coffee with a girlfriend, or our friends who babysat our son and let us to go on a date.

Kids are both fun and a challenge, tru dat! I never really thought how hard (and rewarding) the job of a parent might be until I became a parent.