Confused, Naive American - Explain Chechen Wedding Scandal!

[peacetraveler22]

We all recognize that there are eccentric and deranged people in all parts of the globe, engaged in questionable behavior which we'll never understand or condone. I once thought of visiting Grozny, so perhaps some of you would even place me in one, or both, of these categories. Remember a few years ago, I wrote this post, asking readers whether it's safe for an American woman to travel to Chechnya? Some of my friends in the Russian blogosphere have been there, and even personally met Kadyrov and told me it was safe. All of them - MEN. You can call me a naive or misinformed American, but I can't understand yesterday's events.

I read the scandalous news that Kadyrov granted special permission for an old Police Chief to marry a 17 year old bride! I will not place a photo of the sad, distraught young woman in my blog to further sensationalize her image. On her wedding day, her eyes completely devoid of joy, as if going to a funeral or gas chamber. You've already seen her expressions, her white dress, and the bejeweled head covering, all draped around the delicate frame of a young woman who likely had no say in the events of that day, or in picking her groom. What a sad existence, I'm sorry I can't imagine it, or respect any region where such actions are considered acceptable, and personally authorized by the leader!! I read a lot of stories and comments about this topic today, and I'm particularly disgusted by the post written by Ilya Varlamov, LJ's top Russian blogger, where he can't understand all the fuss or controversy over the wedding.  How can a modern, intelligent man like him not question this event, particularly when he has a young daughter of his own?

Here in the U.S., we have various religious sects engaged in polygamy, many marrying very young brides. The distinction is that our leaders don't advocate or approve of such behavior, nor does most of American society. On some other news sites, I read comments by a few Chechen females stating that the bride's facial expression was normal, that Muslim women don't show overt expression, even during a wedding. According to them, such action would be considered immodest in strict Muslim families.

What do you think of this scandal? Please help me understand "real" Chechen culture and mentality better, not what well-known bloggers show on their hand held tours, organized by Chechen officials. Yes, I know about the Chechen wars and that it's a Muslim region in the North Caucasus, yet it's still part of Russia. I'm especially interested to hear from any female readers I might have living in this area. Help me restore my faith in this region..

Comments

[maryasha-b.livejournal.com]

After that scandal I watched many videos on youtube about other Chechen weddings and also when this your Chechen girl was interviewed before the wedding. And now I am confused what actually happened there. I am not totally convinced anymore it was a forced marriage and that behavior of the young bride on the wedding day cannot be merely explained by Chechen tradition: bride is not supposed to express happiness, but be solemn and quite, she even is not supposed to sit down or participate in celebration or start conversation with her husband's relatives and friends (and her relatives are not taking part in celebration)... Well, it is very difficult to comprehend such tradition for Western mentality, but I am trying... And surely trying not to charge without knowing for sure what happened.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's very difficult to understand for Western mentality, and others. However, I think most human beings don't condone forced marriages or sex slavery, regardless of whether they're Western or not. I find it very difficult to believe that a young woman who just turned 17 when be madly in love with a man three times her age...but I suppose anything is possible.

[maryasha-b.livejournal.com]

I don't think we are talking here love, but I don't think it has something to do with sex slavery.
Let's be more open minded - not everywhere in the world people marry out of love. Arranged marriages are very common... Having many Indian friends I cannot call arranged marriage a bad thing.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

If consensual, then sure. Who cares if a marriage is "arranged?" I just questioned the girls consent, based on her appearance of discomfort and sadness. Btw, here's a post from someone who lived in the region, and attended weddings. http://inamora.livejournal.com/146175.html. She said many brides behave happily and smiling, expressing outward manifestations of joy and love. We can't know the bride's true feelings, impossible. It's just an interesting topic to discuss, and the focus for me was Kadyrov's consent, as I stated in the text of the post. Plenty of the women in the U.S. also marry, not for love, but for convenience and financial benefit.

[maryasha-b.livejournal.com]

I agree, this is very important topic. And maybe not in the latter case (we don't know for sure), but the issue of forced marriages definitely exists and it is good that public much attention was brought to this issue.

But there is another problem which is somehow not discussed. In Russia, even in big cities like Moscow (not only in small Chechen villages) young women grow up dreaming about marrying well established man, even if he is 10-20-30 years older. And it is a norm, that girl is considered lucky and envied by her less lucky friends. Why lucky? She doesn't have to work, study or pursue her career, she has a car, money to spend on clothes and cosmetics and goes on vacation to the best resorts of the world. Even some of my well educated friends would say they don't mind marrying an older man if he is rich... I can easily imagine that Louisa is now seen as a happy princess in her small Chechen village and many girls dream of taking her place... This is very sad, but true. This is the kind of mentality women have here, women do not seek independence, but prefer an easier way... It will take ages to change.

[peacetraveler22.livejournal.com]

Sure, it will take generations to change this mentality. For me, I can't understand it. I think it's always important to be able to take care of oneself, it's an extremely Western female mindset. :)

[krevedko63.livejournal.com]

OK, maryasha, could you tell us which Russian law permits man to have more then one wife?

[maryasha-b.livejournal.com]

I guess the guy was married to his first wife by religious ceremony... So according to Russian law he was not married, no official stamps in his password. Formally, no violation of the law...
I heard that in Turkey same problem: in many communities religious marriage is ranked higher than civil, which means many couples are not officially married by state law.